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April 1, 2002

Disneyland To Add 'Over Shoulder' Restraints On Splash

Article written by:
Eric Gieszl, Editor

Please Note: This article was our April Fools Joke for 2002.

Anaheim, CA – Disneyland Resort officials announced that they will modify Splash Mountain to include "over-the-shoulder" restraints before the ride reopens later this Spring. The announcement confirms weeks of rumors about the change that have been circulating the Internet on Disney theme park fan sites.

Contrary to what the rumors have suggested the restraints are not being installed for safety reasons. Instead, park officials decided that the "over-the-shoulder" restraints were necessary to stop people, especially ladies from flashing on the ride.

According to a Disneyland spokesperson the flashing phenomenon has become a serious problem at the park fueled by the increasing popularity of Internet site, Flash Mountain. Initially, it was not an issue, but now because of the site, it's an hourly occurrence.

The first exposure occurred nearly ten years ago when a brave soul flashed the unsuspecting on-ride camera operator hoping they would not see it so their fun would be seen by all at the end of the ride where you can purchase the photo.

Disney officials contend that they're trying to maintain a family atmosphere at the park and the sight of sagging breasts dropping down Chick-a-Pin hill is not exactly the type of scene you'd expect at a Disney theme park.

"Walt would not be too excited if he saw this in his park," said an unnamed 18-year old Disneyland employee. "It's become a serious problem."

"I have to go to work to see some girl's tits on our closed-circuit television monitor ten or twelve times a day. It gets disgusting," added the employee.

Other park guests have been just as surprised by the sight.

"I was sitting in front of Splash Mountain, waiting for my buddy and I could not believe what I saw," said Joe Nardone referring to a boatload of teenage girls flashing their breasts. "I was blown away. Grown men were cheering aloud, while at the same time, turning their kids faces the other way!"

The new "over-the-shoulder" restraints required park engineers to rework the design of the ride's boats that will now seat 6-passengers instead of 8. The reduction in capacity was a minor sacrifice to curb the large problem, according to park officials.

"No one is going to be flashing the camera with this over their shoulders," said Bernard Denicola, a Disneyland attractions manager. "I won't have to call any more parents of our under-18 employees to inform them about what their son or daughter saw at work today."

While some Disneyland fans are happy about the change, others are not. Al Putz who writes a column for the web site was angry about the change.

"We can thank the lawyers for this horrible change, but I have to ask why?" stated Putz. "Everyone, especially a lawyer, loves to see boobs. I live for this moment at Disneyland and now that it is gone I will have no reason to visit everyday."

Putz, a Disneyland regular who has an Annual Pass, claims that he visits every day for just that reason.

"I come to Disneyland just before it warms up for the day and head to the popcorn stand to grab some caramel corn, of course if they have any. I then take over my favorite bench over looking Chick-a-Pin hill and as soon as the temperature hits 75 the boobs start popping out," said Putz.

He concurred that only about one in ten shown are a good pair, but added that he is not going to be picky, so long as someone is willing to show them.

"Hey aside from Disneyland I don't see too many, so I am not going to complain here."

Adam Sandy, a 15-year old visiting Disneyland from Tennessee for spring break was ecstatic about his experience.

"It was so cool," exclaimed Sandy, referring to the first time he's seen a girl flash.

Of course, Sandy was quick to note that it was not the first time that he's been fooled before on April Fools.

AF! — Editor :-)~